Dreams

Its funny how far dreams can take me and I'm not talking about goals. I'm talking about the kind of dream you get when you're asleep. One stupid dream changed my perspective and now I can't go back. Everything was going fine until that stupid dream.,
I'll explain now. I was somewhat dating one of my best guy friends. I had fought very hard for him. I finally got him to like me again and then everything got messed up. Another one of my friends had liked me for years. He even told me he loved me once. I said some mean things to him so that he would stop liking me so that he wouldn't have to be in pain. This backfired and he stopped being my friend all together. I deserved that. What I said was uncalled for. I was perfectly fine with it. He had always creaped me out a little. But then I have a dream that I kiss him and I wake up and I have butterflies in my stomach as if it had really happened. I sit there thinking for most the night and I realize, I'm in love with him. I go over all of the stupid things I did to him in my head and I feel really bad. But then I think of my other friend. I had worked so hard to get him on my side. I thought I liked him. Was I really going to throw it all away for the other one. (okay this is getting too confusing. I'm going to use names. The one I had the dream about is named adam). Maybe it was the bypolar side of me talking but I couldn't stay with my friend while I liked adam. I couldn't like my friend anymore. Adam was all I could see and he was worth it. So I broke things off with my friend. He took it in a bad way and I mostly lost his friendship. I told adam that I liked him to find out that he was in love with my best friends cousin who also happens to be one of my best friends.

Moral of the story, don't follow your dreams unless they are real. I'm still stuck obsessing over him all because of that stupid dream. There's no way I can ever go out with him even if he did like me. I couldn't do that to lauren. She loves him just as much as I do. Hopefully more. Can't I have a dream that will set me free? Is there no one else in the world who can distract me from my thoughts about him? Can't I have a dream that convinces me that I don't like him?

I'm too tired to edit this or even read through it so I hope it makes sense. I put my heart into my writing and when it is broken so are the words.